All (Drunken) Bets Off
by lezliesmith
Summary: Several months after New York, Loki ends up living in Avengers Tower. Tony and Loki get drunk together and make a drunken bet to prank the rest of the Avengers. Chaos ensues. (There will be more in this 'verse)


This story is set after the Avengers – but instead of being imprisoned in Asgard Loki escapes and causes mischief on Earth, but never injures anybody. After one of his pranks he is captured again and his punishment is to stay on Earth – and in Avengers tower.

Warnings: References to alcohol, suicide, drugs

* * *

Tony didn't know how it started – well, okay, he did but in his defense he didn't think it'd go this far.

Like many things in his life it started with a drunken bet and led to an all-out prank war. After finally catching Loki after another of his pranks – and Tony knew they were only pranks – Odin and Fury agreed that Loki was to stay on Earth and make up for the things he had done and the messes he had made. Since the Avengers were the only people that could relatively control the God of Mischief Fury ordered them to let Loki stay in Avengers Tower where he could be "supervised".

After the battle of New York Tony had invited the rest of the Avengers to stay in his tower, pointing out that it would make them easier to find. Bruce was the first to agree, then Steve shortly after, followed by Thor. Natasha and Clint held out the longest, but after a month of Tony pestering Fury they agreed to move in – if only to shut him up.

Each got their own floor, and a routine was quickly established. Steve made breakfast for everybody on the communal floor, and they took turns making supper. Wednesday nights became movie nights, Friday nights became game nights, and Saturday nights became poker nights.

When Thor told Tony that Loki would be staying in the tower the argument didn't last long to everybody's surprise.

"Thor, I am NOT letting your psychopath brother into my tower. No way. There are only so many reckless things I can do," Tony rolled his eyes, "and this is not one of them,"

"High-functioning sociopath, do your research," Loki said with a smirk.

Tony glared at the god, "No. You are not allowed to get pop culture references, let alone make them,"

Loki just grinned wider, "Do you feel threatened, Man of Iron? Shall I get you a blanket so you can hide from the monster under the bed?"

Thor cut off Tony's reply, "Please, Man of Iron. He needs a place to repent for his crimes. I will not throw my brother out,"

"I am NOT your brother Thor," Loki snapped, but didn't walk away from Thor like he usually did.

Tony sighed, already tired of the conversation, "Whatever, big guy. There's an extra floor above yours, he can have it. But if he kills us in our sleep it's on you. And if Clint puts that arrow through his eye I'm not taking responsibility,"

Loki looked offended, "If I were to kill you I would not resort to killing you while you sleep, I would make it painful and make sure you were awake for every second,"

"Yeah, yeah, keep on telling yourself that, Rudolph," Tony said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "I got work to do,"

"Thank you, I will owe you one, friend Anthony,"

Tony nodded, already back to tapping at his tablet and muttering to JARVIS. He was attempting to find a way to negate magic's effect on his armour, which would be much easier if he actually understood magic.

"Hey," Tony said, stopping Thor and Loki as they turned to leave the common living room, "How does Rudolph feel about helping me understand magic? I need something new to fiddle with, and maybe if I can understand that stupid magic I can find a way to black it. Although maybe if I work with the arc reactor I can – no that only worked to stop mind magic, or was it magic swaying the heart? Since the reactor covers my heart, the glow stick of destiny would have no effect – or –" Tony continued to ramble, completely forgetting about the two gods standing in the doorway.

Loki moved closer, fascinated. Despite knowing nothing of magic, Stark seemed able to grasp basic concepts without realizing it. Perhaps he would come to appreciate staying on this world – if only to try and understand how Stark's mind worked.

"Stop your yammering, Stark. I'll help you, on one condition. In return for helping you, you must tell me more about your technology – I am curious as well," Loki admitted.

Tony paused and blinked back to reality. "Yeah, sure. Meet me in my lab? Five minutes?"

Loki grinned, pleased that Stark had accepted his offer, "I will see you there, Stark,"

"Ask JARVIS if you need directions," Tony threw over his shoulder as he headed to the elevator, still mumbling to himself.

Thor gave Loki a wounded look, "But, brother, you said you would spend some time with me,"

"I am still not your brother, Thor. The mortal seems more clever than you, perhaps even able to keep up with me. I promise to not harm him – or anyone else on this measly world, as I promised," Loki smirked, "But mischief, on the other hand . . . well, I make no promises," with that he vanished to the workshop.

* * *

Tony didn't notice his arrival, instead setting up various screens and clearing an area in one corner.

"No, not over there, DUM-E. You're useless. Yes, you. No, not there either you piece of junk. There. No. To the left. Oh, never mind. Come here. Yes here. I can still see you, you can't hide behind a couch. Don't touch that. No. Just put it down. Yeah, right there," Tony sighed shook his head.

Loki watched in awe as Stark talked to the machine that was carrying around a piece of the Iron Man armour. He spoke to it like a pet, or like a child.

"Sir, may I suggest not letting him move the Iron Man armour," a soft British voice said, "He keeps hiding it by his charging station,"

Loki startled slightly before remembering the AI that ran the tower. Thor had eagerly tried to explain what it was, and Loki remembered little but for it's name and use.

"If I don't let him move things what use is he?" Stark asked, "I made him to be a helper, and I need help. Therefor he is supposed to be helping,"

"Very well, sir. May I draw to your attention the fact that Loki has been standing in your workshop for the past several minutes?" JARVIS said.

"What?" Tony turned and caught sight of Loki, "Oh. How'd you get down here? And JARVIS, don't make me reprogram you, new rule: tell me when sociopathic gods drop in,"

"Of course, sir," JARVIS answered.

"Anyways. Loki. So I was thinking, if I could pick up on your magic while you're using it I should be able to block it. Now, any scans I've tried to get before have been less than great. So, I've made a better scanner. Come over here and use some mojo, let's see if my tech can pick up on it," Tony glanced over at where Loki was examining DUM-E, "And stop poking at my bot, you're scaring him,"

"He has feelings?" Loki questioned, "I was under the impression that machines do not feel,"

"Well, he's an AI. And a learning one at that. He knows what emotions are, or at least he can recognize them. Also, he has mannerisms that can be connected to emotions, so it's only logical to assume that he has some semblance of personality and emotion to go with it," Tony explained.

"Ah, I see. So your JARVIS has emotions as well?" Loki questioned.

"If I may, sir. I do not feel as you would understand it, Loki, but rather my processes allow me to have some semblance of self," JARVIS explained.

"Don't listen to him," Tony said, "He's got emotions, and the ability to show them through his tone. Now get over here and lets get started,"

"My, my, how forward of you. I at least expected dinner first," Loki smirked while he walked to the cleared area.

Tony grinned back, "Trust me, if I wanted you in my bed, you'd already be there,"

"But what of Miss Pots? I had heard that you two were . . . involved," Loki asked.

"Turns out she can't handle me almost dying all the time, running SI, and being in a relationship with me. She broke it off shortly after I flew that nuke into space. But I'm way too sober to talk about my feelings with you," Tony said as he tweaked one of the scanners.

"We could fix that. I would not mind some of your Midgardian alcohol. Perhaps drunk I could forget the events that led to my being here," Loki mused.

Tony glanced back at Loki, all too familiar with his tone. That was how his own voice sounded when he was at his lowest, when he thought he was dying with everything broken, how his voice sounded when he thought about ending it all. His voice after one too many nightmares, the voice that lead to alcohol, before spending days in the lab making yet another suit.

"Look. We all make mistakes. Know what I used to be called? The Merchant of Death. And I earned that name. I made my billions in blood money. I made weapons that killed millions of innocent people. And I only felt regret when I got hit by my own bomb and saw my weapons turned against the people I had tried to save by making them. My body count is far higher than yours. The highest in this tower. You're not the only one who's killed. Natasha, Clint, and Bruce have all killed people. We all got given another chance to make things right, even you," Tony reached out and brushed Loki's hair out of his face, "You're not alone in this. Now, come on, we're gonna get nice and drunk,"

Loki stared at Tony in stunned silence, "Why? Why help me?" he asked quietly.

Tony paused, "Because I wish somebody had helped me," he admitted.

"Thank you," Loki said simply.

Tony grinned and grabbed Loki's hand and dragged him to the elevator.

* * *

30 minutes later Loki and Tony were well on their way to being drunk, having stolen Asgardian mead from Thor when regular alcohol failed to affect Loki.

"I bet you," Tony slurred, "that I can cause more mischief,"

Loki smiled, "And how do you propose we conduct this bet?"

"Prank war. Whoever can get away with the most pranks wins. No bodily harm, no magic, and no animals, alive or dead, in my tower." Tony declared and offered his hand.

Loki thought it over briefly, "Deal. But I require a cell phone," he reached over to shake Tony's hand.

Tony grinned wider, "Oh, this should be fun,"

Natasha unfolded herself from the doorway where she had been watching in fascinated horror as both Tony and Loki became drunk. She had to admire Tony's courage, although in this case she thought it might be stupidity. Natasha understood Loki, as much as she hated to admit it. She knew the god needed a second chance and a person to stand up for him, the same way Clint had stood for her. Tony seemed to be that person.

With a small sigh Natasha resigned herself to being watchful for the many pranks that were sure to develop. She debated on telling the rest of the team, then decided it would be much more fun to watch them find out for themselves.

* * *

Two weeks and several harmless pranks later the rest of the Avengers met in an empty conference room.

"We all know why we're here," Steve started, "Tony and Loki's pranks have gotten out of control. I can't walk by a speaker without the National Anthem playing, Thor's clothing got replaced with dresses, Bruce's tea got replaced with pot, Clint keeps getting cat facts, and Natasha's floor got covered in baby powder. How should we deal with this?"

"I vote we retaliate," Clint growled as his phone chimed in another cat fact.

Natasha nodded, "These pranks need to stop, I say we hit them back,"

"But do not harm them," Thor warned, smoothing down his pink dress.

Bruce looked up, wide-eyed, "But the pot! I want to keep it! You'll never take me alive!" he protested loudly.

"Just ask Tony for more, I'm sure he'll provide it," Clint soothed, "Besides, I don't think that Tony really meant that as a joke, he probably thought it would help in case Loki decided to prank the Other Guy,"

"But Loki doesn't like the Other Guy," Bruce grinned, "He's scared of him,"

Steve interrupted before the meeting could get too off track, "I'm not helping with the pranks, somebody's got to stay responsible. Ground rules: no physical injury, no messing with the workshop – we don't need more explosions. And no pranks that could release the Other Guy," Steve caught everybody's eye until they all nodded, "It's settled then,"

"Bruce is so high I doubt anything could let the Other Guy out unless Bruce let him out," Clint whispered to Natasha as they filed out of the room, "Hey, Bruce," he added as an afterthought, "can I have some of your pot?"

Bruce glared at him and Natasha elbowed him, "Fine! Never mind," Clint pouted.

* * *

The next month in Avengers tower was eventful. Eventually Fury, Coulson, and Pepper refused to set foot in the top seven floors of the tower where most of the pranks took place. All the Avengers counted that as a win, since paperwork came to a halt without Coulson and Pepper badgering them to do it.

Clint took to the vents and started shooting Nerf guns at unsuspecting passerby. When Steve glared at him he protested that Nerf guns didn't cause bodily harm, even the upgraded ones. Steve eventually let him keep his guns, if only because he didn't feel like crawling around in the vents to find them all.

After the second time Natasha had trapped Clint in a net and hung him from the ceiling for hitting her in the boob Clint agreed to stop targeting her – if she'd team up with him. She left him in the net overnight before she agreed.

Natasha's pranks were subtle. Somehow she convinced JARVIS to scream fuzzy pickle at everyone who opened the fridge, and since everyone assumed that Tony controlled JARVIS the prank was pinned on him – until Natasha opened the fridge and nothing happened. She also took to balancing items on anyone unfortunate enough to fall asleep on the common floor and writing on their faces with black marker.

Bruce attempted one prank – he hid all the coffee. The communal coffee, and the personal coffee on every floor. After having the whole team – including Steve, but minus Thor and Loki – break down into tears when they realized that it was gone, he put it back guiltily.

Thor's pranks were juvenile at best. After pouting because he couldn't use real birds, he ordered 100 stuffed birds and placed them carefully around Clint's floor. The prank backfired on him though, Clint ended up keeping each and every one.

Tony and Loki continued to prank everyone – but each other. The others soon grew tired of being on their own and formed teams. Natasha and Clint had already teamed up, and so Thor and Bruce formed another team.

After two more weeks and more minor pranks, Clint had an idea.

"Hey. Tasha. I have a plan," Clint whispered from his place in the vents, "Let's team up with Bruce and Thor. Get Thor to put mistletoe everywhere Loki and Tony go. We can end this before more of my things disappear,"

Clint's clothing was going the way of Thor's. First his underwear got replaced, then his shirts. He wasn't looking forwards to losing his pants.

"And how will that work?" Natasha sighed.

"If we make Tony and Loki uncomfortable, we can make them stop. They'll break up their team, then this whole thing can end," Clint explained.

"Sure, Clint. I'll tell JARVIS to order some mistletoe," Natasha agreed.

It didn't take long for the entire common floor to be covered with mistletoe, after being ambushed by Thor, Clint explained that the mistletoe was only for Tony and Loki, and no he did not want to be kissed by the God of Thunder.

* * *

The next movie night – How to Train Your Dragon – Thor drew Tony and Loki's attention to the mistletoe above their heads.

"Brother! You and Tony are seated under mistletoe! I am told the proper procedure is to kiss!" he called to the pair where they were seated on the couch, Tony laying across it with his feet in Loki's lap, Loki leaning back into the couch.

Tony glanced up then looked over at Loki, shifting so he could sit up, "You heard the man, pucker up," he smirked.

Loki smirked back and leaned closer, "If I must," he whispered.

They leaned into each other at the same time, Loki wrapping his arms around Tony's waist, one of Tony's hands finding its way into Loki's hair, the other creeping under his shirt.

Clint watched in horror as his plan fell apart.

"Okay! Okay! I need some major brain bleach now!" he burst out.

Natasha laughed, "For all the bragging you do about your eyesight you can be so blind. They've been going at it since this stupid war started,"

"Really?" Clint asked, making the mistake of looking back at the attached pair.

Tony and Loki broke apart, "Uh, yeah. Why else do you think we weren't pranking each other?" Tony asked.

"I thought you made a deal!" Clint exclaimed.

Loki smirked, "Now, I don't think it's any of your business the type of deal we worked out, but if you must know –"

"Nope. I don't want to know," Clint decided, "On that note, truce on the prank war?" he asked.

Tony and Loki exchanged looks, "Sure," they said together, "But we win," Tony added.

"As long as I don't have to see you two getting busy, I'll let you claim victory," Clint agreed, cringing when he noticed Tony still had his hand under Loki's shirt, and Loki still had an arm around Tony.

"Deal," the God of Lies said, grinning innocently.


End file.
